Friday Afternoon Burnout

Another workweek ends on a slightly dour note - the test-takers at the Little College were thoroughly enervating this week, and a time series analysis of their placement scores would probably show a linear (negative) relationship between time of the month and their respective scores, based on previous experience.

But on a more happy note, LA Alternative Press has published its Best Of Alternative LA List for perusal and debate. Two of the better alternatives are close to my heart:

The Best Alternative to TalkingSit Down and Shut Up
Los Angeles has long been plagued by a relentless virus called verbal diarrhea. The symptoms are as follows: aimless babble, continuous celebrity chatter, smooth speech and pet-induced gibberish. The virulent infection has spread so fast, few Angelenos realize they are constantly showered with hogwash and spewing baloney. There is one temporary treatment available for this syntactic sickness, but it requires the sick to check into “silence clinics.” They spend a day, week, month or longer on a silent retreat, where they eat, meditate, do yoga and other spiritual practices of choice without uttering a word. Upon discharge, people are known to have sharpened senses and clearer minds. It’s up to you to bring an end to this epidemic by treating yourself to a silent retreat. Otherwise, verbal diarrhea will spread throughout the rest of California, the United States and after that nothing will stop it. (Jasmin Persch)

And this one hit a bit too close to home (remember the Vermin on the Mount reading in Chinatown next weekend!):

Best Alternative to Westside Bars for 30+-Year-Old Heavy Drinkers
The “Real” Chinatown If you’re lucky enough to get past the age of 30, and you drink, you suddenly begin searching for more convenient, safer places to do so. If you live on the Eastside, sometimes that trek out to Hollywood or Santa Monica can get dicey, especially if you put a load on. Chinatown then (the real Chinatown, not the one bought and paid for out in the San Gabriel Valley), is a great location because of six major factors:

1) Three bars within feet-and stumbling-distance of each other.
2) Close, and usually free parking in lots.
3) No cops.
4) Quick freeway access: the Pasadena/Harbor/Golden State are a block away.
5) No trouble from any “elements.”
6 ) All bartenders, doormen, and owners are mellow with zero-attitude.

In that main plaza area, between Broadway and Hill, you have Grand Star Jazz Club, Mountain Bar, and Hop Louie. Park in back off of College St.—the only trouble you’ll have is the same homeless dude who’s been in that lot forever asking you for a cigarette. Yeah, sometimes you think about giving him a good smack, but he’s harmless. (Jim Marquez)